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#Master the Delicate Art of Social Media Etiquette

1. Have a real picture of yourself as a profile pic. I need to know what you look like. It’s only fair. If your Facebook photo includes a picture of your significant other, I know that you are seriously codependent. If it is a picture of your baby, I know I’ll have very little to say to you at a dinner party. Also, offer me a few options. If all of your pictures are from the same angle, I know that you are ugly and have figured out that one angle that makes you look less ugly.

2. Don’t give me constant updates of where you are eating or shopping. The only person who cares about that is your stalker, and the real joy for him is the hunt.

3. If I send you a text and you don’t respond and then I see you tweet something or post something on Facebook, I know that you are straight up ignoring me. Just remember that everyone on the Internet is taking note of your goings-on and judging you all the time. Isn’t that comforting?

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